"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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