At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
