Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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