Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
