I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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