He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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