Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
