the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize