you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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