I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
