small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
