I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
foreskin is a definite game changer
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
