we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
