woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Houston, we have a squirter
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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