Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
