Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
