Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
