Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
