Reggie can tackle my bush.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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