I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
