he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
