wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
