piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
