CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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