32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
