THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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