I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you didnt know i had herpes?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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