That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
