I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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