I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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