I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
