You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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