My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
