did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
