I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
