apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
