I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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