Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm really busy with my period
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