Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
