Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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