Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
