don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize