I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
