the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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