Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
