I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
