those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
