She's JV to your varsity
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
