True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
