bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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