The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
