dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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