Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
