If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
