I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
