The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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