I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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