no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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