She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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