The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
