There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
