hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
