She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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