Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
