Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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