dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
this hospital has no fireball
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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