I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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