Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My penis needs a shock collar
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
