the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
