forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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