Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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