My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
